merry is love ;

Nothing's up

It's the time again.
Rainy season? No.
Hazy season? No.
Mosquito season? No.
Mugging season? No.
Close to that..
It's the Reading Season!
Reading frenzy!!!
I've devoured 3 books in the last 5 days.
Like wow! Good or what?

Somehow this song got to me.
Took me a lil while to digest all that words. -yes my metabolism rate is that low :)-

Like Toy Soldiers by Eminem

Step by step, heart to heart, left right left
We all fall down...

[Chorus]
Step by step, heart to heart, left right left
We all fall down like toy soldiers
Bit by bit, torn apart, we never win
But the battle wages on for toy soldiers

[Verse 1]
I'm supposed to be the soldier who never blows his composure
Even though I hold the weight of the whole world on my shoulders
I am never supposed to show it, my crew ain't supposed to know it
Even if it means goin' toe to toe with a Benzino it don't matter
I'd never drag them in battles that I can handle unless I absolutely have to
I'm supposed to set an example
I need to be the leader, my crew looks for me to guide 'em
If some shit ever just pop off, I'm supposed to be beside 'em
Now Ja said 'I tried to squash it, it was too late to stop it'
There's a certain line you just don't cross and he crossed it
I heard him say Hailie's name on a song and I just lost it
It was crazy, this shit be way beyond some Jay-z and Nas shit
And even though the battle was won, I feel like we lost it
I spent too much energy on it, honestly I'm exhausted
And I'm so caught in it I almost feel I'm the one who caused it
This ain't what I'm in hip-hop for, it's not why I got in it
That was never my object for someone to get killed
Why would I wanna destroy something I help build
It wasn't my intentions, my intentions was good
I went through my whole career without ever mentionin' Suge
Now it's just out of respect for not runnin' my mouth
And talkin' about something that I knew nothing about
Plus Dre told me stay out, this just wasn't my beef
So I did, I just fell back, watched and gritted my teeth
While he's all over t.v. down talkin' a man who literally saved my life
Like fuck it i understand this is business
And this sh** just isn't none of my business
But still knowin' this sh** could pop off at any minute cuz

[Chorus]

[Verse 2]
There used to be a time when you could just say a rhyme
And wouldn't have to worry about one of your people dyin'
But now it's elevated cuz once you put someone's kids in it
The shit gets escalated, it ain't just words no more is it?
It's a different ball game, callin' names and you ain't just rappin'
We actually tried to stop the 50 and Ja beef from happenin'
Me and Dre had sat with him, kicked it and had a chat with him
And asked him not to start it he wasn't gonna go after him
Until Ja started yappin' in magazines how we stabbed him
Fuck it 50 smash 'em, mash 'em and let him have it
Meanwhile my attention is pullin' in other directions
Some receptionist at The Source who answers phones at his desk
Has an erection for me and thinks that I'll be his ressurection
Tries to blow the dust off his mic and make a new record
But now he's fucked the game up cuz one of the ways I came up
Was through that publication the same one that made me famous
Now the owner of it has got a grudge against me for nothin'
Well fuck it, that motherfucker can get it too, fuck him then
But I'm so busy being pissed off I don't stop to think
That we just inherited 50's beef with Murder Inc.
And he's inherited mine which is fine ain't like either of us mind
We still have soldiers that's on the front line
That's willing to die for us as soon as we give the orders
Never to extort us, strictly to show they support us
We'll maybe shout 'em out in a rap or up in a chorus
To show them we love 'em back and let 'em know how important it is
To have Runyan Ave and who sulked us up in our corners
Their loyalty to us is worth more than any award is
But I ain't tryna have none of my people hurt and murdered
There ain't words that I can't think of a perfecter way to word it
Then to just say that I love ya'll too much to see the verdict
I'll walk away from it all before I let it go any further
But don't get it twisted, it's not a plea that I'm coppin'
I'm just willin' to be the bigger man
If ya'll can quit poppin' off at your jaws with the knockin'
Cuz frankly I'm sick of talkin'
I'm not gonna let someone elses coffin rest on my conscience cuz

[Chorus]

Official first day of school

What the hell?
My whole entry just went *poof*.
Disappeared!

I'm gonna copy and paste it to ms word before publishing it this time.
Damn blogger.

As i was saying..

Yesterday was officially the first day of school.
Arrived late.
Realised i've been posted to alhena 1 instead.
Argued.
Hope i can remain in alhena 3 as what jeremy said he'd do.
Shitty boring affair.
Freshies came.. And me as an ogl.
It felt kinda wierd.
And made me think back of the exact same day last year.

How i didn't know who else from tk was coming to mjc.
How i felt so lost and lonely.
How i needed to leave after the first talk to go to tjc.
How ogl esther brought me on a frantic search for my ogt, ms soh.
How the first thing i said when i saw my ogt was 'hey you!'.
How she corrected me by saying 'it's ms soh'.
How i hurried down to tjc only to find out they were offering me chem econs math.
How i requested to take phy chem math instead and they granted.
How i was standing outside tjc office in such a huge dilemna when countless of other students were appealing to go there.
How i thought about it so hard.
How i rejected the place in tjc after 15 minutes.
How the people at the general office looked at me as though i was telling them crap.
How that was the hardest decision i had made in my life.
How i was having such jumbled feelings about it when going out.
How i felt when i came home, logged into the mjc portal and found out that phy chem math was not offered to me.
How i felt so helpless.
How i called the tjc sailing teacher and told her i did want the place in tjc after all.
How she reprimanded me for making such a stupid decision and told me that no i couldn't go back to tjc no more.
How i felt so relieved when i refreshed the page and realised that there was a mistake and yes the combi was offered to me.

How i regret my decision now.
How i wish i'm there now.

People keep walking out of my life.
My little insignificant sad life.

Quick update

I've got new windows!!
Ok maybe not really new since it has been here since thursday. :)
Now it's sliding windows - silver panes with green glass.
Looks neat!
Kinda miss the old one though.
It has never been changed since we moved in here.
Therefore i'm sure you can conclude, it was pretty much in a horrible state already.
Too bad i didn't take any pictures of it before they took it off.

Didn't go for races yesterday and ain't going for any today either.
We are already in 2nd place for sure so no slacking involved yea?
Ok i admit, there is that little bit of slacking involved. Not too much though.
I hope i'll get the shirt.

Had a family gathering at the bayshore yesterday.
Learnt a new recipe - garlic oil.
Use only extra virgin (pun fully intended) olive oil and fry garlic in it. Fry till garlic becomes soft.
It make eating shellfish such a delightful experience i tell ya.

A miracle happened on friday!
I didn't get last for every race! Woot!
That's a miracle thank you.
That's a miracle. :)

Ogl camp and stuff

Had ogl camp on monday and tuesday. It was well.. Kinda fun.
Am game i/c though so it was pretty slack as well.
Alhena's cheers are way cool! Though i don't know all of them.
Food for camp sucked. As i had expected.
Came home tired on tuesday. Was already in bed at 7pm.
Slept till 6am the next day and received karen's message.
She too was awake!
So we entertained each other for awhile.
And she helped me decide whether to go for the competition.
I did go.
And it was totally shitty.
Never, and i repeat, NEVER, in my life have i gotten such crappy results.
Not even when i was just starting out in sec 1.
I was last for all races.
Clueless as to what happened to my performance this few weeks.
Disappointed.
Scared to go for more races again today.
Crappy shit.

Camp in 7 hours

Went to the night safari today. Not too good and super expensive.

Started packing my bag from 11pm and ended half hour ago. Cool!

Ogl camp in 7 hours. Looking forward to it.

Am supposed to lend kent a bag for his stuff lol.. So have to wake up super early tomorrow.

Gosh..

The many quizzes i took

What type of teenager are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

nikki

You are the 'regular' teen. Don't worry, alot of people will get this result. However, you set pretty high/low goals for yourself...and you believe you are the only one in the world. But, there are alot of people with your attitude. You tend to wear regular clothing, or you are forced to wear colors you don't want to (such as your mother always buying you pink / blue clothing). Sometimes you feel horribly lonely and want to hide, but as always, you find something to give you reason to continue. You can either hate or love school, one opinion please. Never fear, you are not one of a kind...and that is kinda nice to hear, since there are other teenagers out there with your exact view on life.

You could get a job as an author, Teacher, editor, architect, buisness owner, or administrator. Good luck in life, and don't forget that no one is ever alone.

My opinion: I'm no different from the rest; just a regular person. That's good. But being an architect or teacher is a big no-no for me.

What kind of girl are you? (with pix!)
brought to you by Quizilla

sporty

You're a sporty tom boy. That's not a bad thing. You're friendly, competitive, athletic, and you love to have fun. You attract a lot of guy
friends and make many girls jealous. Don't pay attention to them. A lot of boys might think you are aggressive and might be intimidated. Don't worry, show them the other side of you that makes people so attracted to your fun personality. You also are a profectionist. You have to be good at everything. But please don't stress yourself out. You're just fine the way
you are.

My opinion: This proves it! I'm a tom boy. Uh huh.. Lol. I don't attract a lot of guy friends though. And i don't make my girl friends jealous. I hope. :)

What kind of guy are you most attracted to? (CUTE anime pics)
brought to you by Quizilla

amoure

You like the sweet, shy type.

My opinion: This is so true. Unbelievable! Kinda wierd huh? Lol..

You're Beautiful...but why? ( PICS)
brought to you by Quizilla

pouty
~*~*~*~*~UNIQUE~*~*~*~*~

You are different. You're the type of person that is easily spotted in a crowd. You have a radiant personality. You probably go through a lot of mood swings from happy to lonely, angry to sad, loving to spiteful, and so on. Be aware that your sudden change in personality may offend some people. People like to be around you because you are genuine and relaxed. You seem at peace with yourself and you give off that "what you see is what you get" vibe. That's a good thing because your general audience will feel relaxed and at ease knowing that they too can be themselves without having to worry. Try not to judge others on their
appearance. It's not nice. Over all you're a spirited person who enjoys having a good time! Good for you! :o)

My opinion: They got one thing absolutely right - mood swings! Lol.. I blend in more with the crowd though. Don't stand out at all. I definitely do hope my friends feel relaxed and all around me.

What kind of masks you hide behind? (i added pix)
brought to you by Quizilla

HASH(0x88f419c)

You hide behind The Beauty Mask, you like to look perfect in everybody's eyes, you like people to envy what you have, you don't like to analyze
things you just take them the way they are, that's why some people might say you are irrational and shallow, but you like your life this way, you don't like to ask for help, you have a lot of friends but you feel that no one
is a true pal.

My opinion: Something worth pondering about. I don't like trouble though. And yeah i'm still finding for that true pal.

Where Does Your Beauty Lie? ..::Original Pictures Are Back! Detailed Results::..
brought to you by Quizilla

Plain Sight

Your Beauty lies in Plain Sight. Plain, simple and the girl next door. People tend overlook you as you are the "normal girl", but you're actually
very beautiful. And you have plenty about you to set you apart, but more that lets you blend. People love the stability you have because as others may come and go, you will always be there and you may always be the same. You like simple things and that's what people like about you. You
most likely enjoy things most consider normal, like movies, shopping, that sort of thing and are very friendly and probably have many friends. You are sweet and kind and that shows on you, but you're also strong and not very naive. You're a rather well-rounded individual. Even though some people pass you off as just another girl, shrug it off because they don't know what they're missing.

Some Things That Represent You:
Element: Earth, Light
Animal: Cat
Color: Pinks, Blues, Browns
Song: Girl Next Door by Pilot
Expression: Simple Smile
Gemstone: Alexandrite
Mythological Creature: Fox Demon, Hobbit
Planet: Jupiter
Hair Color: Light Brown
Eye Color: Brown
Quote: "To the world you may be one person, but to
one person you may be the world."

My opinion: Just another regular person. True enough.

The awful reply

To fizah:

Up to this point, i really really wish you hadn't sent that sms. 'Cause i've this bad feeling that this won't turn out well.

Maybe i misinterpreted your words - do correct me if i did - but i feel that you don't trust me no more. What's with 'it's up to u to believe it or not' and 'the way u answer my hi-bye is like so fake'.

No i was faking anything when i answered your hi-byes.

I've come to realise that the both of us must have not been talking too much recently 'cause i obviously didn't know that you're staying away from the canteen - apart from my observation.

You must understand that no longer feel like telling stuff and no longer feel comfortable telling stuff are two totally different issues altogether. You cannot link them like this. I do feel like telling you stuff but i no longer feel comfortable doing that now.

There's this gap between us now and i don't know if it'll ever disappear.

I'm sorry that i wasn't there when you broke down.

I know you've been through a lot with regards to friendships. Believe me when i say that i have too.

I wish we hadn't come to this.

I know this entire thing can never get back to normal again.

I hate to lose you as a friend. Really i do.

But now that you've seen this side of me, i guess you wouldn't mind anyway.

Damn! I missed alot

Why must it be that every time i pon school, it has to be the one day that stuff happens?

The last time i missed ann koh taking pictures during the first class interaction.

Now it's the guys singing 'Wind beneath my wings' and ' Graduation'.

Everyone's saying so touching.

But i wasn't there.

Damn!

I shouldn't have ponned today.

This could be the last time 05S226 comes together.

I should have known.

Totally sucks.

Trouble with fizz

To fizah:

My handphone vibrated in the bus. A message just came in. I checked. It was from you. To be honest, i was taken aback. I didn't exactly know how to react.

You asked what happened?

One phrase: i don't know. It's like one day i come to school and i feel like i can't talk to you about stuff no more. Don't ask me why. It just felt odd. This may sound very cliche but it's really not you, it's more about me.

You said you feel left out and that everyone's keeping a distance from you.

I say there is no one avoiding you. You're being a tad sensitive here. I don't see you during breaks now. It's like you've disappeared. Gone.

You said i've changed.

Yes i do admit i've changed. But i don't feel i've changed since this year started. I don't know. I'm not sure. You can tell me.

I feel honoured that you said i'm the only one you can trust. I don't deserve that. Really i don't.

I've got no idea how it came to this. But i do treasure you and hope this'll work out well.

Let's just let nature take its course.

A terrible mistake

I made a terrible mistake.

Damn!

I absolutely hate my guts!

In a bad shape

My biceps, back and thighs are aching bad.

Mr teo actually allowed me to not do running and other stuff. But i decided to do. Ran 1 round for warm up and another 2 after pe. Then, 30 push ups and 24 sit ups. Just after 20 push ups and my arms were already shaking. Boo.

I'm gonna push myself to the max now. The reason is simple; i wanna pull a muscle.

I don't wanna compete in that 5-day competition 9 days away.

Had a free eye checkup today. My eyes are still going good. Thought that after all those eye-burning, something will go wrong. Thankfully not.

Can't see myself with specs. Tried before. Look totally nerd. Actually that may be a good thing huh? Perhaps then chow lee lee won't pick on me.

She picked on me again today!!! Ay what's new?

Had the first chem pract without cabby today.
It felt odd.
So quiet.
Boring.

Note to self: Watch your weight. Watch your food. Watch your spending. You still owe mummy $88.

Down it goes

Ok my sailing absolutely sucks now.
Even coach said so.

He told me his worst byte sailor was out there racing and i couldn't even beat him.
Crap.

He told me to work on my fitness.
But i've been working. At least on my running.

He told me i wasn't putting in the effort, that's why i capped so many times.
But i did. I tried. And i still capped.

What the hell is wrong??

My butt, fingers, bicep, elbow, thighs, calves, knees are aching now.

Don't even know if i can get out of bed tomorrow.

Mr teo said i could skip fitness and conditioning.
I hope he keeps his word.

By the way, i got a B4 for chinese. Good enough. Retaking? Not sure.

Nightmare

Yesterday's training was a nightmare!

I capped 8 times, turtled 3 times. Was so slow that the top sailors overlapped me. And that means i didn't complete any race. Like what the hell???

My body is totally sore and aching today. Even got a blister on my right third finger.

Just 2 weeks of not training and it brought me this low.

Crappy.

Was worried for my sis last night, but it's alright now. Forget that.

Came home after training for dinner before going off to meet sam, ivy and kevin at ps.

Ivy wanted to watch White Noise. I was like, "noooooooooooo!!!!!". I mean White Noise that's gonna end at about 11pm? I'll probably not be able to go home lah. Too freaked out. :)

So we ended up going to pastamania for their dinner. I realised sam's an al funghi pasta fan. Eeks. I tried that twice but couldn't finish it on both tries. Lol.

Then carrefour. Bought this huge bar of cadbury's for everyone. They didn't tell me they wanted to lose weight. So i ended up bringing home half a bar. Uh i guess i'll be the one piling on the million calories. Damn.

Had a free seat at starbucks.

There's a race later. Wish me luck. Hope i'll not be lagging again.

I feel like knocking everyone's head.

The feeling lost

I wanna cry.

So i just heard cabby withdrew, jin rui and yi hern want to go tjc and samuel and alvin are gonna change combi.

Great. Now there's only 12 of us left. Wonder if we can ever be together again.

Couldn't catch the couple dance. Not exactly knowing the alhena people/cheers/happenings didn't make it any better.

An OH outing is being planned. An electrico concert. Fantastic. Can someone tell me what electrico means?

Not a good day at all. Not a good day at all.

Tomorrow's the release of the CLAO results.

Suck ass.

I'm just hoping i'll do alright.

So i'm the start of it all

My younger sister scored badly and her teacher called my mom saying she'd better buck up.

In my mom's eyes, i started it all.

The failing, the retaining, the computer games, the long hours on the internet, the coming home late, the talking back. All the shit, i started them.

Crap!

And then i had to realise that i can actually turn to no one now. No one.

Family - empty.
Friends - empty.

Great! I lived 17 years for literally nothing.

I hate my life.

This song sums it up.

Welcome To My Life by Simple Plan

Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you

Do you ever wanna run away?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels alright
You don't know what it's like to be like me

Chorus:
To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked
When you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more
Before your life is over?

Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With the big fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep inside you're bleeding

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels alright
You don’t know what it's like to be like me

Chorus

No one ever lied straight to your face
And no one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think I'm happy
But I'm not gonna be ok!

Everybody always gave you what you wanted
You never had to work it was always there
You don't know what it's like
What it's like!

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked
When you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like (what it's like)

Chorus

Welcome to my life

Welcome to my life