merry is love ;

The first step to nunnerism

I got a job! I got the temple job. If you're wondering, it is an adminstrative job - my title is temporary admin assistant - and I am working for a company at Shenton Way. I am just stationed at the temple. Now you're entitled to a laughing fit, but only for 3 minutes. 3 minutes is the magic number. 'Cause 3 minutes was all it took for an interview for a high paying job today. A job that I rejected then called back to try to get it, in the process, getting reprimanded by my consultant because she said I was indecisive but I strongly suspect it was the fact that I couldn't get her name even after 3 calls. A job that I didn't want in the end because I already had a job. So yes, I went into that interview planning to fail terribly. Which I hope I did but I cannot be certain 'cause 8 other people were interviewed by the manager for, yes, 3 minutes as well. Therefore, I say, 3 is the magic number.

Yet another joyride

Only this time it is not so joyful 'cause I was feeling extremely hungry and therefore sick half the journey. And I actually missed a bus so that I could check where the bus was heading before I boarded but as it turns out, this bus is a darn loop service. So for the second time in two days, I ended up in the west again. Only today it was Stirling Road which I also don't know where but it must be very far away 'cause I once again passed Queensway Shopping Centre.

SMU looks impressive enough. Such a big campus, or maybe it is because MJ is small. Still, I walked till I had blisters. Felt rather lost in there though. And I bumped into a swim mate! She was a national swimmer but after one SEA Games, she just disappeared from the scene. Now, she is just all fair, or rather pale, and thin and so ordinary looking, which she totally wasn't back then. Probably the only thing that hasn't changed is her dao-ness.

Gah! My job situation is not looking too optimistic. I could have a low-paying job that will last till July (SMU) or a temple job that has an average pay. Of which, both are not exactly what I expected. And I stupidly rejected high-paying job. What crap did I get myself into?

Word of the moment: Gah!

After going for not too many interviews, I have learned a little bit about interview protocol:
1. Dress appropriately, meaning no jeans, no tees and preferably no sneakers.
2. Do some research on the company before heading for the interview.
3. Shake hands when interviewer and interviewee first meet and another time when interviewer sends interviewee off.

Currently, I have two jobs on hand. If both accept me or both don't accept me, I'm dead 'cause I just rejected an interview today. But I want the SMU one more. Can recce the place some more.

It has been so long but I finally got to eat Gelare waffle at half price! Okay, cheapo. And Manhattan Fish Market is not half as good as Fish n Co. And heels are a torture. And walking in Raffles Place is terrible. And I now know that Ghim Moh is at Clementi. And today I also know how far away is AIA building. And I passed Vivocity twice and therefore saw the mall twice today. It didn't look all that impressive though. And I realised I can insert a ____ (I think I better not type 'cause some might say, 'so gross!') in 15 seconds. Oh and my sister just told me I should add full stops at the end of my sms because without them, I sound very reluctant.

Gah!

Monopoly addicts

The Ng sisters are officially hooked onto Monopoly, online or not. In fact, I think we passed this Monopoly craze to our cousins as well, seeing that we all played the game the whole weekend.

Had my very first real nightmare on Friday night. In it, R was dying. We were at this wake that I attended earlier in the night and she died on me at the playground beside the wake, which also existed in reality. It was the first time I woke up truly scared.

And I just cleared about 1GB of disk space in my computer to download Gunbound. Gunbound! The game that screwed up my Promos the first year. So I'm half excited half afraid to see it go '33% of Gunbound_GIS_WC_545.exe completed'.

What has been happening

1. I have gone for an interview and failed. Not that I wanted that job anyway. What the crap, I had to write procedures!
2. Currently, my CT is trying to get me a job at SMU library. Yay.
3. We had a class outing to Little India today.
4. I went to a wake today and was totally stunned to see the rites being performed by a group of girls, the oldest being around my age and the youngest, primary school kids.
5. Sailing tomorrow to see if I can possibly survive the Laser Open.
6. Male consultants are a more efficient lot as compared to females.
7. I haven't had a day when I don't step out of the house since last Friday and plans go on till at least Tuesday (for now).
8. I am getting tired of going out. Really tired.
9. I am still itching for pool and mahjong.
10. I am hooked on Monopoly now.

I hope, I hope, I hope

I will get the job tomorrow.

Had to take this crappy MS Excel test. I bet I got a super bad grade 'cause the computer was so lag and I was impatient.

And that stupid consultant at that job agency actually misplaced three of our forms! When I went there just now, she recognised me and can still say 'actually I have a client who wants A'level graduates but I cannot find your forms!' Ugh.

Reasons why you, SY, just ain't man enough

1. She uses the flowery phone - Nokia 7370.
2. She carried oh-so-charming eeyore in her bag when we stayed over at A's house.
3. She draws little flowers, some 'under the sea' scene or other cutesy stuff on her Ipod.
4. She has a pink camera.
5. ~~She goes gagaga over Korean shows and idol dramas.~~ (I realised it is probably the girls she goes gagaga over. Oops!)
6. She SCREAMS for mommy whenever she thinks she is in desperate need of help (remember sausages in hot oil?).
7. She made small little pink hearts for her mates.
8. She goes 'I miss ____. I miss ____. I miss ____.'.
9. She cried while watching Oprah and also during that very mild show 'Click'.
10. She doesn't have no flat chest nor er.. anything below.

*****

I saw a different side to this whole group of people last night. A new, not so nice side.

The guys were just insensitive. A little two-faced as well since they still accept her little treats, ask her for help etc. but bitch so much behind. Even the quiet guy said 'yay' when she mentioned that she had to leave early. We all get what that means. Now I wonder if they said anything after I left. Who knows right?

And the two girls who want so much to be with them. One just accepts all the demeaning remarks they make (instead, my friend and I are often the ones standing up for her) and continue to treat them good, another sticks to them when it is obvious that she is usually out of place among them. I simply don't get it. They are just guys (boys), why try so hard?

When I first asked her if she wanted to come out, she rejected saying she is tired and all. Then when I told her it's ok, I got company, she insisted on tagging along even though I told her it would just be a short two hour objective-driven outing to go job hunting. Don't want to miss out on anything is it? Maybe that is why she was always waiting so long for the guys to leave school together even though her bus trip with them was only like 20 percent of her ride home.

I don't understand these people.

Shit, does this count as bitching behind their back?

But I must state that they are still wonderful friends to have because they are usually the good people that they are. Really. And they also engage in vices like me. It is just that all of this suddenly became very obvious last night and it was a little like -wham!- on the face.

Darn

I'm having one of the most interesting MSN conversations ever and I have to go off. UGH.

Note to self:

Bring I/C whenever you go job hunting!

J had to remind me that last year I also didn't bring my I/C when applying for jobs.

I had fun on my very first outing with them though. That crappy bunch of people.

Such a wasted opportunity

How do I make it present itself again?

I received some sort of a 'challenge' for the Laser Open. Should I, should I?

In the last four days, I have completed more than half of the list of things I set out to do after the A'levels. I have gone sailing (this was top priority!), shopped, slept over, been catching up on my reading, played the organ (my first time in three years or more but I can play 'Superman' now!), gone to the movies and in about 15 minutes, I'll be out of the house in search of a job. That effectively leaves only mahjong, pool, swimming, blading, night cycling (or day) and travelling to do. Give and take a week and the first three things will probably be done too. And there's like 4 x 7 - 1 = 27weeks more. I foresee boredom!

Bleh!

I slept at the 41st hour and woke up with my biceps, forearms, left wrist, shoulders, back, thighs and ankles aching, all testament to the rigorous 'exercise' we did yesterday. Or the calories lost yesterday. Or maybe all it shows is my (lack of) fitness.

Darn it. Why aren't my abdominals (read: round tummy) aching?

About to hit the big 40!

A called at 10pm last night (well, since it's Sunday already, it should be the previous night) to say she had a crazy idea. Who knew such an impromptu plan to watch 'Step Up' (we saw SY there too) and have a sleepover would actually work out? So, A slept at 5am and M at 6.45am while I kept awake the whole ~~night~~ morning. Haven't slept since 9am yesterday. I think I want to attempt to break my record for the longest period of time without any sleep again. I want to hit 48 hours! Now that would really be quite a feat if I do succeed.

Sailing was cool! I sailed the standard rig for two races and for the first one, I actually triumphed over all of them! The wind was overpowering, or maybe it felt that way because I am too light. Anyway, it was so strong that no matter how much I tightened the control lines and how hard I hiked, I just couldn't keep the boat flat. I hiked till my thighs and ankle were shaking ok. And now my left foot has a bruise from all that hiking. Not to mention I was at least 10kg lighter than all of them and about 30kg below the optimum weight. But I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Am in a dilemma about whether to participate in the upcoming Singapore Laser Open. WL said I should because some of the national sailors won't be joining so I have a chance of getting a prize. Then, A and M said his main reason was so that I could guide An throughout the competition. I do want to help her really (gosh you should have seen her rigging today out at sea) but storms are aplenty now. Storms! I'm afraid.

WL wanted to put me on her boat to teach her how to sail just now but I violently protested. Then I told him about my 'secretly' trying to take her photo and how she found out and never acknowledged my existence forever more so A got the awful job. Thank goodness!

Then it was almost 8 hours of non-stop walking and shopping. I think the only time we sat was when we were having tea and supper or waiting for someone to try on clothes. Man, we walked till our feets hurt. All three of us. Orchard Road and Marina Square definitely need to provide their patrons with some sort of comfy walking shoes. And a Crumpler ain't a Crumpler for nothing. A and I were having shoulder aches like halfway through our shopping but M was totally easy with her huge bag. Ugh.

M was such an amusement. We think she made the service staff of this particular shop hate her. When she decided to leave the shop to wait for us, one of them was eyeing her the whole time she was walking out. And while waiting for A and I to finish dinner, she was so tired she slept till her head swung left and right. She's just unbelievable sometimes.

Yay-ness! I may be able to work as an OBS trainer in the next seven months! Maybe!

Oh, there was this man who fainted in the train while I was on the way to the cinema. It was scary. I don't think I want to faint any more. And I think I may want to be nun for a short while in the future.

WHEEE!

Going for my very first midnight movie! Then sleepover at at Mag's before sailing tomorrow! Imagine the fun!

Too pride-ful?

For the first time, Ms K offered to let me sail the 420! Woot! I hope A will be courageous enough to risk her life and sail with me then I can finally crew after three extremely long years. And if that be the case, I hope we won't be pissing the crap out of ourselves 'cause that is what we have always reckon we'll do. The teachers and coaches were always saying that should we be in the same boat, we'll chat so much and get left behind. We always retorted that we'll be arguing but we'll be right in front. Yeah, up there with the best.

Yay, am going on a job hunt on Monday. I was so glad when J text to ask if I wanted to go for an interview. I think she's the only like-minded soul who wants to start working this early. We're going to be working partners again!

Count down: 14 hours to the end.

And I'm not even preparing for it. In fact, I just read a novel today. Whee!

I can smell liberation

YES! Just ONE more paper to go!

12 November was as uneventful as ever. I had insisted we not go out to celebrate 'cause I wanted to study. In the end, nothing remotely of that sort happened. I slacked and found myself at only chapter eight at 12am on the 13th. Just brilliant. But wishes were plenty and money also rolled in so I was still delighted.

I can't wait to go sailing on Saturday! Images of sailing have kept me awake the past two nights and deprived me of precious sleep. Like it would be 5am and I so badly need to sleep some before the morning paper but I just cannot get to sleep 'cause I would be in bed thinking of tacking, gybing, hiking out, capping and other what nots and they will just keep playing out in my mind. The result: Appearing in school zombified. Definitely am having the I-miss-sailing-terribly syndrome.

P.s. I just remembered. Siyan, I'm so sorry your level 1 card is still halfway round the world. I promise I will pass it to you as soon as I get my hands on it. If you need it before I get it, tell me, I will try to get a replacement. I'm so sure you're regretting offering it then now. If you want to curse, don't do it now ok. Please please be a kind soul and do it only after Friday. Give you big treat when I start having an income.

Piece of shit

I finally truly understand how all those people felt when they said they did terrible for their paper and how what I have always been telling them - it's over - does absolutely nothing to make it better because it is precisely that sense of hopelessness that is making them feel horrid. Today was just bad. I'm screwed, big time. Big, big time. It just sucks when the mistakes just keep popping up in my head and it's not as if I even discussed the paper. It just pops up! Freaking freaking freaking pissed with myself. I wish I can break into the place where they store all the scripts, rummage through all that paper, find mine and undo all those stupid, stupid mistakes. Or as she suggested, I can hijack the plane. Then it will be a whole lot easier since I can just dump all the scripts out of the plane. And if they land in some place like Africa, maybe the people can even learn how to read and write English! Wait, do they fly the scripts to Cambridge or ship it there? Bah! The thought of all this ending soon doesn't seem that appealing any more.

Damnation

I totally messed up.
Messed up. Messed up. Messed up. Messed up. Messed up. Messed up. Messed up.

The stark reality

Uncle gave one of his wise talks again. Only today my eyes went teary for a second (thank goodness it's only for a split second) and I began biting the little bits of fruits that much faster. I told him about my plan to pay for my own university fees and once again, another 'that's impossible!'. Then he presented the figures and, you know, it may be unattainable after all.

I'm still going to try though. Say goodbye! to cafes, eateries and other indulgences, and hello! to food courts and saving.

There is so much to think about. There are always the reasons.

What else can I do?

I am furious.

At nothing in particular.

I admit there was a little anger when S made a whole lot of noise about my wanting to eat the cake before tonight (which I didn't in the end 'cause she made me feel guilty if I did) and when she chased me to have lunch when I clearly indicated that I would as soon as I was done doing what I was doing. But I clearly felt fine after lunch. There was definitely no anger.

Now, there is this immense rage inside. Since I've got no idea what caused it, I have no idea how to deal with it. And since I cannot deal with it, I get even more frustrated.

So I'm angry. And rage doesn't do any good. Not for studying, not for anything.

The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants

Remember: Pants = Love
Love your pals, love yourself.

Maybe the truth is there's a little bit of loser in all of us you know? Being happy isn't having everything in your life be perfect. Maybe it's about stringing together all the little things like wearing these pants, or getting to a new level of Dragon's Lair - making those count more than the bad stuff. Maybe we just get through it; and that's all we can ask for.

Rambling a little

I am not cool, not creative, not entirely enthusiastic, not an extrovert, definitely mood swingy so I wonder, how did I manage to make friends all these years? Especially back in seconday school when I entered class cranky perpetually every day, it is unfathomable how I managed to be part of the cool-est clique in class and also be involved in the activities of the other big clique which the other people from my clique didn't exactly get invited to. I mean, even my Math teacher didn't quite dare to wake me up though I slept through pretty much every of her lesson the last half of the year. Now that it's almost the end of my JC life, and many people here (and it's really many) have said that I am dao, pms-y and that I have an attitude problem, I am trying to figure out how I did it all over again. One thing is for sure; I'm thankful. I'm truly thankful that these people say hi, or even better, stuck with me, though I am not cool, not creative, not entirely enthusiastic, not an extrovert and definitely mood swingy.

Okay, that was so random.

Oh no, I am so going to get fat. Mom bought one cake today and ordered one to be collected tomorrow just because S wanted carrot cake but I didn't 'cause that is way too healthy and I wanted black forest or choc-a-lot. All the sinful chocolate-y ones. Oh, but this shop really does really really really nice chocolate cakes. Not like the normal ones with a lot of chocolate cream; this is like almost pure chocolate. Yum yum. Have I mentioned before that I absolutely love to eat cakes?

Had my second last tuition today. Becoming sentimental. I think if I get a D and above for Physics, I'm going to be so grateful to my tutor despite his extreme lack of hygiene (he digs his nose very often and does it not very discreetly), baldness and huge, huge pores. He actually bothered to sms after Math to ask how it went.

It somehow dawned on me that S and I have been using our blogs as a platform to leave notes of sorts. I rant here when I am mad at her and she wishes me luck on hers 'cause we know we are going to read it anyway. Besides, we also know each other's passwords (actually we also know R's) so technically we can do anything but we don't of course. Wierd how we three sisters work.

I am officially on a lookout for jobs! Learning how to write a resume is such a pain. And after reading up, I still have got no idea how to do mine. Ugh. When I tell my mates that I want to see myself through university - i.e. pay for college education myself - they all think, 'No way! That's impossible!'. I am so going to work my ass off after the A's (maybe hold two jobs) not to prove them wrong but more to prove myself right. 'Cause seriously, I do want to pay for my own education, go on trips, spend my own money etc.

I want to be independent.

It's the little things

Like when she told me to not study too late and sleep early.

Like when she chased me off the computer under the pretense of wanting to use the computer when, really, she was just shoo-ing me off to study because it was the night before the first Math paper.

Like when she didn't say a thing about the light when she obviously couldn't sleep because I had to do last minute cramming late into the night.

Like when she allowed me to put my feet on her bed because I just love to lie across our beds when I am studying even though she was going to sleep.

Like when she lent me her bolster 'cause mine was used for my head.

My sister, S, the greatest!

Also, my classmates who gave a bucket full of candies and chocolates, a mahjong tile massager and a snowman pen though It is right in the middle of the dragon A's. Oh and not forgetting the BIG colourful lolli! LOLLI!

It's the little things yeah.

So we bought her a huge Patrick, a holder of sorts that is going to be filled with candies and a crappy card to give her right in the middle of the dragon A's as well. Before the Chemistry paper to be exact; we even devised a plan.

The plight of November babies this year.

I should have...

I should have stayed with her till her mom arrived. Was way too insensitive, going about my own business.

I should have started studying earlier. And I say this again. As always.

Last night's cramming was a disaster. I merely read through my Chemistry notes. Selective notes, mind you. And I couldn't even finish reading them all (selective notes). Then, the lack of sleep caused my eyes to 'malfunction' today. I didn't read the question accurately. I didn't read the data booklet accurately. Bleh.

I don't know why I'm so not anxious about the Math paper tomorrow. Watching TV, going online and what not.

Okay, positivity is key!

An unexplainable feeling

I realised that there is absolutely no way I can ever finish the Chemistry syllabus in time for Paper 3 on Wednesday. I managed to delude myself the whole weekend, making myself think that I've done sufficient when I actually did nothing! I only memorised the notes on enzymes. Yes, that was all I did. Unbelivable the way I deceived myself.

I swear just this afternoon I was thinking of wreaths. I was telling myself, the next time I will probably ask for 'no wreaths please' because it is an absolute waste of money. Let's say a wreath costs $80, we would have had some $5000 extra instead of having it all thrown in the bin after the wake, plus an extra $20 bucks or so to the cleaner 'cause all the flowers made such a mess.

Then I heard. The fourth this year that I've come to know of, the third involving granddads (including mine). Too many. Too much of a coincidence. Twice this year now. I hope it doesn't happen again. My voice was shaky as I told my sis beside me. It got to me, just like how the last one did.

Yan?

An unknown person sms-ed me last night. When I asked who was it, she said she was YR, my senior. But after some sms-ing, I was beginning to have serious doubts so I asked A and the number doesn't even match the one A has.

The reasons for being suspicious:
1. If I don't remember wrongly, Senior doesn't sleep late. Or at least she's not one who will be awake at 3am.
2. Senior wouldn't ask how to contact me.
3. Senior would know how to spell 'enchanted' seeing that she is Student Of The Year for the year 2004 with 3 distinctions to her name.
4. Senior wouldn't be so lame as to text me 'I am sad n happy because..... 2 be continued.' out of the blue.
5. Senior is just so un-Senior-ish.

Freaky.

How can be so zhun one?

Last night, I purposely come on just to listen to the song 'Miracles Happen' before I headed to bed 'cause I felt uneasy not listening it before going for an exam. It's a habit I've stuck with since I don't-know-when. Since I got to know the song I suppose. Before every exam or competition, I must listen to that song at least once just to psyche myself up, tell myself anything is possible.

Little did I know that it would really happen! I mean kind of. For two of the essay questions, I had the outlines right in my bag just a metre away. Unfortunately, I thought those were the questions that would never ever come out so I only skimmed through one and totally ignored the other. Ugh. When I saw the questions, I was like, 'God, couldn't you just give me the whole deal? Like tell me it's going to come out so that I will actually read through the papers again this morning instead of the other two useless outlines'.

Okay okay, it's over. I'm satisfied. I'm happy. On to the next one!

I don't know why I still go to Thai Express to eat. Every time I go there, I come out disappointed. Today was no exception. So far, I've tried the laksa, noodles, rice, curries, sides. That leaves the appetisers&salads and BBQ range. From what I saw of her food today, the BBQ dish is not fantastic so that's out. Next time I will try something from the appetisers&salads and if I'm again dissatisfied, I'm never going there to eat again.

I think sugar really helps to keep me awake and alert. Had a crappy interrupted sleep last night so I was eating chocolate on the way to school and was practically stuffing myself with gummies before the papers this morning. I didn't feel sleepy one bit! And they said I talked too much today. Proven effective.

Watching Prison Break reminds me of the movie 'The Experiment'. Imagine if that were to happen right here, right now.