merry is love ;

Resignation Number One

Handing in the letter wasn’t easy. (Although, my letter faced some problems so I’m handing in another letter tomorrow.)

Digression: Who knew you couldn’t have your notice of resignation with effect from a non-working day? But my bosses have been really nice – they have agreed to give me an early release by using my earned leave so that I can tender on 3 January, start work on 1 February, and not have my bonus taken away. And it was my bosses who came up with this idea, not me. Who said you can’t have your cake and eat it too? End of digression.

I so felt the jitters this being my first resignation. I had googled ‘how to tender resignation’ and asked Sissy S when would be the appropriate time to speak to my boss. She said she did it at the end of the work day and her mentor did it before lunch. So the middle is usually the safest, no? I did it right smack in between the two timings at 3.30pm. Not the best time obviously. But the biggest lesson I’ve taken away from this is to have a clear mind by having adequate sleep the night before (I slept at 3am). Prepare yourself just as you would for a job interview. Otherwise, you’ll be like me – spouting nonsense when your boss asks you why which they’ll definitely do.

So talk with Boss was beyond terrible. When he asked why, I actually said it’s a misfit of personality and job. Ouch. It’s like saying he and my Big Boss weren’t good judges of character ‘cause they were the ones who hired me for the job. He did suggest joining our company’s Corp Comms department but I turned it down. I slept early that night (turned down a trip to Zouk okay) so that I could have an alert mind during my talk with Big Boss as Boss had said that Big Boss “will nag at you tomorrow”.

The chat with Big Boss went really well. There was much laughter; it was like talking to a mentor friend. I’d gone into her room to pass her a form for approval and she said, “I heard about you. Close the door and sit down.” First thing she said was, “Very sad leh. How come so fast? We were just putting you up for confirmation.” She held up the confirmation form with the ‘sign here’ tab from her desk. It was then that it dawned on me that it’s been close to five months. Pretty damn long if you consider that I’ve wanted to quit since day one.

She asked why because I’d seem to be “very sure I wanted to do HR” in the interview and added that she knew I didn't find the work challenging enough and was trying to find something more challenging to give me but well.. I told her I wanted to try doing sales at least once if not I’ll always be left wondering of the what-could-have-been and now’s the right time because a colleague from Payroll is coming in tomorrow so they won’t be left scrambling around for a replacement. “旧的不去, 新的不来”, I said. She laughed.

We started talking about dreams and she said that HR was not her first choice either. She had wanted to join her friends in being a SQ Girl after she graduated but was attached so she turned to the banking sector but was unsuccessful, and that’s why she ended up in HR. Then, she said “You’re living my dream!” She also advised me not to pursue my MBA too early as working experience will help me to identify and apply the knowledge better. Getting a MBA is one of her dreams too but she has been delaying it because she’s afraid to take the GMAT. We also talked about marriage and childbirth and her advice was to try to push back marriage and childbirth if possible because juggling that with being at the peak of your career is exhausting. (She had her kids in her early 30s and thought that her marriage at 29 years old was too early.) To which I retorted, “But when your kid is 20, you’ll be 50! That’s old.” So she went on about how you can do certain things like clubbing when you’re 29 (She actually stated this as an example. Makes me wonder what kind of young adult she was.) but not at 50 and with advances in medicine, pushing back the timeline should not be too much of a problem. At one point, I blurted out, “Don’t live your life with so many regrets la!” Definitely not the kind of thing you say to your Big Boss, oops.

But what really mattered to me was that both of them said I can give them a call should I want to do a u-turn down the road. See what wonderful bosses they are? I’d prepared myself for the guilt trips associated with such talks hence I was indeed pleasantly surprised and touched that my bosses are full of support and encouragement for my move. They have provided me the convincing and assurance I need to quit sitting on the fence with regards to this decision.

I can go now.

The walk with my idol

I have an idol.

She is the Deputy Director of Finance. Or rather, my idol was the DD of Finance. She has since left and is starting work at her new company tomorrow. I think quite a few people don't like her at the office but I feel that she's just a little misunderstood. Ever since I heard of her resignation, I always wondered if it could perhaps be a wee bit due to our conversation we had in her car. The timing seems about right; it was approximately one month after that talk. I won't hide that I will be super super glad if I played a part in my idol's decision.

I first met her in the lift when my colleagues and I were returning to office after lunch. I'd thought that she was a Senior Executive or at most an Assistant Manager because she looked young. Quite a forgettable encounter.

The second time I met her was during the newbies' orientation. All the DDs had to meet us newbies for a tea session and present the workings of their respective departments after. All the interaction we had was, "Hi, I'm LL and hi, I'm Ter." But that was when I realised, 'Wow, she is actually a DD! What a high-flier!', and she officially became my idol.

The third time was at our team-building session. By pure serendipity, we were almost always in the same group for all the activities, whether it was coming up with E-words, squirrel and tree, kite-making, and dragon boating. Actually, now that I think about it, we had done all the activities together. I was supposed to partner her for dragon boating but she bumped me off for her Finance colleague so I set behind her with her Finance Manager instead. At the end of the day, she gave me a ride out to hail a cab because I was supposed to bring the huge kite home and bring it back to the office some other day (we decided to leave it in her car boot in the end). She'd wanted to give me a lift home but I was paiseh because it would have meant that she would need to make a big detour as she was heading to Tanjong Pagar. And she was DD of Finance leh! To have a big shot send a small fry home when the rest had to take the shuttle bus seems a bit of a 'hmm.. what?!' case, don't you think?

I was so nervous in the car 'cause there I was sitting right beside my idol. Plus she's one of those people who exude a very-capable-very-focused-power-woman air so people usually have the impression that she's demanding and unapproachable. The demanding part may be true (I don't know for sure though since I don't work with her but I have heard of her complaining about incessant 'redundant' emails) but she's definitely not that difficult to talk to. I asked her how long she had been working in our company and when she said, "12 years", I was like, "Wow, you don't look that old!" Then I asked if she had worked in the private sector before and she said she did before coming here. Of course, she also asked me about my background and stuff. Then, it was time for me to get off. It was a short convo.

The fourth time was when I bumped into her in the pantry about a month after the team-building event. She brought up the topic of our kite and said my Big Big Big Boss (her Boss, she's ranked that much higher than me) kept asking her about it but it's still in her boot 'cause she keeps forgetting to bring it up and she's lazy to go down again just to take it. What's more, the tip of the kite is now torn so she scotch-taped it back. I laughed when she told me that. I mean, it's really quite amusing to hear a big shot paying so much attention to such a trivial thing.

The fifth and last time was on Friday at the office's New Year's Eve celebration held at the theatre in our building. It was also her last day of work. You know how you're just very aware of some people? Somehow, we kept making eye contact so I finally mustered my courage (because I am not in a position where people would expect to see me talking to the DD of Finance at an office event. I am after all a rather new executive working in a team totally unrelated to Finance.) to go up to her to wish all the best and of course ask, "Why?! The last time I spoke to you, you said you have worked here for 12 years!" Yes, imagine how it sounds like with the exclamation marks, that was the manner I said it. She replied, "Because I can't see myself doing this for the next 25 years." I can't remember what came after that but anyway, we came to the part where she wished me all the best working here and that was when I told her I was leaving as well. She pulled me to the side and asked why and where I am going so I told her. I returned the question and she said, "near Parliament House". Then, she said something with 'meet' and 'she will be going to exercise at the Raffles Place gym' in the same sentence. I think I was just overwhelmed with the fact that she offered me this piece of information. Like why would she tell me that right? Because I actually said, "Maybe we can bump into each other at the gym."

Shoot. Me. Already.

Perfect opportunity and excuse to exchange numbers.

And I said 'bump'.

I think Sissy S wanted to pound me dead when I told her about this.

I am going to try to salvage the situation by asking my bosses for her number before I leave. I actually have access to her contact details but I need another excuse to get her number because I just blew away mine.

This is officially my last regret of 2010.

Taking stock of 2010

I am doing this late as usual but better late than never I say, especially when I’m doing an audit for a year like 2010.

2010 wasn’t like any other year. It signified the true becoming of an adult. Who would have thought that when you threw the big 21^st I-am-officially-an-adult party with people telling you that you now hold the keys, you were in fact nowhere close to being an adult? If you did, cheers to you forward thinkers! I didn’t.

The three key milestones of the year:

1. 2010 marked the end of my student life and start of my journey in the working world. I remember tearing a little during the valedictorian speech at my commencement ceremony because it suddenly hit me that it has been 16 years of education to prepare us just for this moment – the transformation from student to a working adult. No more being in a forgiving environment where the priority is your learning. No more friends and teachers looking out for you. We were about to step into the dog-eat-dog world that is the corporate world.

But I’ve been extremely fortunate. After the very agonizing job search, I landed a job that provided exactly what I thought was going to be thrown out forever – being in a forgiving environment with people looking out for me. The part about learning applies as well but as you know, it will never be a sole priority because c’mon we’re getting paid for a reason. My bosses are very supportive of us taking up courses however. My big boss even encouraged me to quick go look for one course as the institute my headcount was under was “very rich”.

I have probably done nothing else but rant about my job since my first day but I’m going to take a different stance here. I don’t actually hate all aspects of my job; the only thing I hate is my work. I like my colleagues and love my bosses. This fact especially stood out during my last two weeks. Perhaps it’s because I know I’m going to resign so I’m paying special notice to the goings-on around me or perhaps it’s due to the festive spirit that has enveloped Singapore the past two weeks.

My colleagues are the most helpful people. They answer my incessant questions on the doubts I have, guide me and undo any slipups I had. The good thing about my colleagues is that although that may be just a wee bit of politics, it is as significant as being non-existent. There’s no competition so everyone shares and everyone helps.

And my bosses, oh my awesome bosses. They were the only factor holding me back from my next job, even after I signed the papers and they were the only ones who could give me the assurance I need that this is a move for the better. Not my friends, not my sissy, not my parents. It sure has surprised me that my sense of trepidation of moving on has been replaced by a sense of ease after my talks with them this week. Yes, I have tendered.

Won’t go on too much about 2 and 3 because it has been blogged about previously.

2. 2010 marked the first time I climbed a mountain – Tiny Poon Hill to seasoned mountaineers but Big Poon Hill to me. It was a very new and enriching experience and something I’d like to go through again at least once in the next 5 years. Definitely gave me new perspectives and showed me that nothing is impossible.

3. 2010 marked the second time I participated in the Subaru Challenge. I stood for 19 hours, ten hours longer than my last. But I had a good position and fun car partners so I was quite dissatisfied about being ‘forced’ to leave that early. Oh, the inconveniences of being a woman. We shall conquer the challenge again this year!

Overall, 2010 was one very memorable transition year. From being a student to being a bummer playing mahjong too often to being a working adult, starting on my first real job, quitting my first real job, landing my second job, meeting new people, creating new relationships, renewing old ones, learning new things, challenging my limits – this is one year where I can finally say,

I have accomplished something.

I am thankful and grateful for everyone who has stood beside me in 2010.