merry is love ;

Take it slow / Experience in Suzhou -- 5

The first two days were awesome. (Over)Confident I then started becoming greedy and impatient. Instead of waiting for hammers and railway tracks, I chased after them. And when they kept moving in the opposite direction, I wondered time after time why the heck, WHY?!

I'm starting again from ground zero. Or rather below ground zero. Psychology man. Remember, psychology.

It takes a new environment to make you notice the things around you - that's my conclusion after a four-movie marathon today. The worthiness of the time spent shan't be evaluated here.

It just reminded me of how Sissy and I looked forward to going out and eating everyday in China because our senses were always stimulated. There was always new things to see or try. Although that meant we lacked sleep most of the time because we would always have a chat at the end of the day no matter how late we returned home (I remember once, we came back at 1am, was so tired and had something on the next day, but we chatted chatted chatted and in a blink of an eye, it was 5am!), we were never really that tired. Or perhaps we were really that tired, but it didn't have an effect because we were perpetually running on adrenaline and endorphin. I think it speaks a lot that the best sleep we had was on the overnight sleeper train to Beijing and the second best on the same overnight sleeper train back from Beijing to Suzhou. But gawd, I miss those times. I miss being worry-less. I miss the excitement I feel when I do/go something/place new. And I miss those chats. Those chats I missed so so much after Sissy S just left that and I had no one to talk to when I got home. There was a point I got really really homesick, I cried cried cried and just wished to be back.

Why do I keep talking about those times even as it is already 2 months on?

Because of songs I listened there and are now associated with all good things in Suzhou, songs that I continue to listen to now. I can't express how thankful I am for this experience because it's one I will never have the chance to go through again. Old things won't be new again. Worry-less times won't return because we're going to step into the real world oh-so-soon. I can only miss (and lament about it) being truly happy and free.

P.s. Mandarin MSN convo and me are beginning to not go very well any more.

Feeling a tad blue.

Very tempted to volunteer at the Shanghai World Expo 2010. But it being volunteer, there will be no salary, no reimbursement of airfare, no provided accommodation even.
Very tempted to go to China this year end with the new promotion Shenzhen Airlines is having.
In all, feeling very stifled in little Singapore with school work coming in relentlessly and piling up.
Wishes to leave school badly.

*****

Lesson xx learnt in Suzhou:

In The Sunday Times today, Lee Kuan Yew's quote of the week was:
"What you say, you must mean; and what you mean, you must deliver."
In Chok's words:
"在做什么事情时，要说到做到."

GREY'S IS BACK!!!

I'm almost embarrassed to admit I totally forgot about it. How to declare myself a Grey's fan like that? SPOILER -- George died. Izzie lives. I didn't cry watching this 2-hour episode. Now this hasn't happened for Grey's in a very long time. Hope the rest of the season will be better/great! (:

My uncle told us when we just reached Suzhou that one of our aims before we left should be to leave something behind such that people will remember us. I had confirmation Sarah and I succeeded in doing that today when 曹梅 said '可惜没有好吃的东东，怀念你们的萍果派啊'. Perhaps we should really consider opening a cake and pastry shop there in the future.

Oh yes, Our Best Friend just went back to her hometown to meet a guy (i.e. 相亲) and it didn't go too bad! Even met his parents already. :D I, on the other hand, have no China Boiboi's funny antics to add because we haven't been chatting much lately.

This recess is not recess at all! Damn tired. But the thought of probable money coming in makes me feel somewhat better. (:

Why do I feel that every time I get my mandarin MSN convo fix, I feel it's worthy of a post. :X

Another source

Why does 2 days feel so damn long?! That's the period of time I haven't had a mandarin MSN convo. Silly how this really seems like an addiction of some sort. Thankfully, I made a new friend today who is not only excited about chatting in Chinese but also types way faster than me! Another source for my fix though not all authentic but still half-authentic at least (she has immediate China relatives)! I'm satisfied. (:

Male chauvinist?

One day after I lamented my need for a mandarin MSN convo fix, I had three!

Below is an extract of my convo with China boiboi today. It follows a comment by me on why he doesn't go out to explore Suzhou since he said he hasn't been to most places even though he's been ~~here~~ there for 3 years now.

范毛毛	ter- 乌龟家庭的笨乌龟	没有时间啊，我们不同于你们
范毛毛	ter- 乌龟家庭的笨乌龟	我们必须工作养家找老婆的
ter- 乌龟家庭的笨乌龟	范毛毛	我们也快要到哪个阶段了
范毛毛	ter- 乌龟家庭的笨乌龟	还好了，你是女孩子啦
ter- 乌龟家庭的笨乌龟	范毛毛	女孩也要养家，找老公的呀
范毛毛	ter- 乌龟家庭的笨乌龟	。。。。。。
范毛毛	ter- 乌龟家庭的笨乌龟	养家的问题留给男人啊
范毛毛	ter- 乌龟家庭的笨乌龟	女人主内，男人主外
ter- 乌龟家庭的笨乌龟	范毛毛	真的这样想啊
范毛毛	ter- 乌龟家庭的笨乌龟	是的，我不想让我未来的老婆吃苦
范毛毛	ter- 乌龟家庭的笨乌龟	我自己一个人吃苦就ok了
ter- 乌龟家庭的笨乌龟	范毛毛	哇！
范毛毛	ter- 乌龟家庭的笨乌龟	？、
ter- 乌龟家庭的笨乌龟	范毛毛	你每次说中国的什么什么是世界最高，这样的话命真的会很苦哦！

For a guy who wants a tattoo and listens to English songs a fair bit, he sure holds one extremely traditional view on family.

Hates brains and everything biology.

Our brain is decidedly not as sophisticated as it is believed to be because if it is, I wouldn't be killing brain cells now trying to figure out how it works. I would have known how it works geddit?

Addiction to chatting in mandarin

Did one of those personality quizzes on Facebook and this was part of the result:

"You’re a stubborn sweetheart... You “love” him/her only because he/she loves you. If his/her flame puts out, you let go with no trouble."

Change all the 'love's for 'like's and it becomes food for thought. Hmm.

Anyway, I am going to update whenever China boiboi has a new antic because it amuses me so. It's funny how when WH is online, I'll be frantically copying and pasting his words and asking her 'HOWWWWW!!!'. I can totally see myself laughing hard when I see this again in the future.

You see, ever since he got tipsy last week, he has said stuff ranging from Chinese words with hidden meanings to English words with obvious meanings and now the right hug emoticon in MSN. Seriously, who ever uses that emoticon! I am really tempted to ask why he chose the right hug and not the left. I had thought one meant guy and the other girl but I've checked and both emoticons have short hair and are faceless.

But I haven't gotten the answer to that and why? Because I am shy and I have a big ego. I quite miss the times when he would initiate a convo with me as soon as he gets online. He hasn't quite done that since Friday and I suspect it's because he finally saw the personal message I had on MSN. Prior to that, his lappy was sent for servicing and he chatted with me using his mobile and going by the version of mobile MSN I use, it doesn't show personal messages.

I'll be honest and say that I do look forward to chatting with him but not because of any other reason 'cept that having a mandarin MSN convo has become somewhat of a routine and I'd feel weird if it didn't happen (Our Best Friend's lappy died so she doesn't come online at night that much any more). So yes, I initiated a convo today (which is really pretty good since this is like what, my third time in a month?) but it lasted all of 10 minutes. Okayyy. Never mind, I had my mandarin MSN convo fix for today.

By the way, the personal message I had on Friday night was 'drunk makes me exclaim oh no!'.

Tradition

PM just pointed out that we won't be able to continue our V'day tradition next year because she'll be hooking up Portuguese guys in Portugal instead. ): Well, obviously the hooking up Portuguese guys part was added by me but the Portugal part is true! Major sadness!! I know this is an inevitable situation eventually but for it to happen so soon! ): I'm finally going to have a lonely V'day again after 2 years. ):

I like tradition. ):

Like how I joined the Nike Run again this year to continue tradition. Please disregard the fact that it means another event tee in my wardrobe and it's just 20bucks for that and a goodie bag (I think). I'm aiming to collect all the Nike Run tees if you don't already know.

Like how I'm going to try to join the Subaru Challenge this year. Again, please disregard the fact that there's the big incentive of a car and yet another event tee.

Isn't it obvious that I like tradition already? ):

P.S. PM, if you read this, five ):-es in an entry all 'cause of you. ): Now it's six.

One

When Sarah left China and I was still there, I started having some pockets of time alone. Time and space I wouldn't have gotten and never will get in Singapore. My uncle had said that these pockets of time are very conducive for thinking and we should make good use of it to think about how we would like to progress and develop from here. Well, the first part has been proven though I can't say much about the direction I should have headed to.

I actually had a shocking realisation after doing some thinking. I realised why all these years my heart hasn't so much as skipped a beat. And it's because.. because.. because.. of one.

After all these years.. After all the denials.. Even now..

SIGH.

Would you give a second thought if someone said he would train hard to get 8-pack(!!!) abs before you return?

Me?

No.

Oh, but maybe if it's one, I think.. I think.. I think..

I would be on a rocket to cloud nine.

HAHAHA.

Mambo Jumbo

Gosh, listening to one Mambo song after another and my playlist is on random!
Is this a sign?
Makes me suddenly desire to go Mambo!
Or drink and go dancing tonight.
:X:X:X

My drinking principles

My uncle taught me when I was in China that one has to responsible for oneself.

Ever since I started drinking, I have not gotten drunk 'cept once (the chalet incident) because I was dead tired and I knew that I could sleep over regardless. So you can say, I haven't exactly tested my limit yet. Or rather, I always do not reach my limit because even before I get there, I'd have puked the alcohol all out. My body seems to have a fondness for purging alcohol. It's its protective mechanism I guess.

Anyhow, when it comes to drinking, I have two principles:
1. Drink whatever, just make sure I can get home and open my door on my own.
2. Never drink 闷酒.

Why?
1. No one cares what you do behind closed doors even if it means sleeping by the toilet bowl, which by the way I haven't done so before. But being sober enough to get home I feel is just sparing a thought for your friends who would have to look after you otherwise.
2. It makes lousy sense to drink when you're depressed because it'll only make you unhappier, especially for me since I'm so prone to puking. Anyone knows that puking is damn torturous. Drinks are meant for sharing with friends, for happy times.

So when someone said today, 'When you're drunk, I'll carry you home and give you a cup of warm water to drink', I immediately shot back 'I'm never drunk till I can't go back home'. How's that for girl power? (:

P.s. Drunk ain't good. Drunk's freaking me out!

wealth and power

-on the samsung

i'm guilty.

i've not been studying in recent times because i've been watching taiwanese idol dramas. the current one i'm watching came out when i was in secondary school when people were still using the nokia 7250 (i think).

this show made me think about why people pursue wealth and power. because all around i see those very same people with the biggest worries, troubles, and fear that someone will do anything to jeopardise them. in the end, they are pretty much alone 'cause they can't trust anyone and thus guard against everyone. you have to know how to play the politics.

are the trade-offs worth it? a carefree life and a belief in people.

p.s. to self: don't begin on another serial till 'winter' ('winter' 'cause we live on an island where everyday is summer, ugh) break.
p.p.s. my smart-alec-who-reads-textbooks-for-leisure friend got his degree in 2 years.

I in the eyes of others.

I've been dreaming a lot these days. Some were pleasant, some really made me not want to wake at all, one was even a thriller (I was running away from a stalker).

On the way home from school today, I was thinking, 'I want to wear scrubs'. Then there was a show on tv just now about the happenings in a hospital. Watching it convinced me that I really do want to work in scrubs sometime.

I look for certain people every time I come online. Currently, the number stands at two and you you you and whoever else are not one of them. I think at this point, I am looking for acceptance, like real full acceptance. It's a rabbit trait.

Last night, or rather this morning, while I was looking at the photos I had just uploaded for Jaz's birthday, I was smiling to myself the whole time. This is the happiest album I've had in a long long time.

I need a money-making machine. Or will fairy godmother let me find money under my pillow, pretty please?

Bitten by the travel bug real bad.

I'm suddenly bombarded with travel plans... of everyone else BUT me. ):

Am going to have a completely offline list of contacts in my 'China people' group on MSN tomorrow because they are heading to 黄山 for the weekend.

R is going to Paris next sem.

PM is going to Portugal next sem.

Yin's going to Shanghai during recess week to spend time with her boyfriend J with air tickets paid for by him!

That's the ultimate.

I'm officially ~~jealous~~ envious.

Can I have a boyfriend like that too? ;)

Classic.

Did I mention that supper at Block 85 last Saturday cost 100 bucks? 'Cause damn those parking attendants came and out flew the summons. 50 bucks each for each of our 2 cars for not putting parking coupon. Poor Kev and WH. >.<

Yin's words today: I am against ____ 'cause I can't believe in a god that needs to be praised all the time. Everything praise the Lord.

Hahaha. Damn classic.

Can I just say I always am enlightened whenever I talk to Will and Yin? It seems like both of them have knowledge pools for heads!

I am so going to read up on Marx and Marxism when I'm free-er to appear smarter.

The big deal about 9 September 2009

What some friends said today:

'Today is 090909, 252nd day of the year (2+5+2=9), and a Wednesday in September, both 9 letter words.'

'Happy 09 09 09. If anyone has told you to "dan gu gu / 等久久" tell them you've waited till that day already.'

'2009年09月09日,长长久久'

And on this special day, I met with Yin and Will and we talked till 11pm in school. (:

Best lor.

Not I don't want to talk to you, is you don't want to talk to me. How's that for cheena? I hate this.

Just signed up for Nike Run with sissy. I'm going to walk once more. Haha.

Overwhelmed.

Suffocating under the pile of unread readings and notes and tutorials.

Grown up

It just hit me the number of new friends/acquaintances/contacts I've made within the last three months. It's been a long time since I last had a big increase in my network of people.

Plus, I've been meeting and chatting with more of my guyfriends lately, even more so than my girlfriends, which is just kinda odd. Where have all my girlfriends disappeared to?!

Today I met V for lunch. Up to 5 minutes before I reached, I was still slapping myself for agreeing to this appointment because the fretting over what I would say was SO torturous. He was after all just an acquaintance from second J1 first 3 months and whom I haven't seen nor talked to since he left for SAJC after. The lunch was okay, but when I was preparing to leave, he said 'so next week same time same place?' and I honestly didn't hear so I 'HUH!!' embarrassingly loudly. I think he took it the wrong way, like I thought it was boring (which okay I admit, I did think a lil). We'll see if next week happens.

Anyway, I've come to realise that I'm not quite the same person post-China. And looking around at my friends, those who have gone abroad for summer programmes, travelling, etc. without a whole support group of friends during the summer vacation, I see they aren't the same too. They have seen the world outside this little red dot; They talk different. With them, we talk about culture, food, people, life, etc. It is more an exchange of ideas rather than just empty talk. I guess this is why people almost always enjoy chatting with a well-traveled person.

I, for one, have less tolerance for frivolity now. So like I had periods of time when I was super into online shopping and clubbing, those I will definitely not go back to. As a result of this, I can feel myself drifting away from some friends, getting closer to others, while the status of a few others remain the same 'cause, cheers to us, our relationship was never based on these superficial stuff. Does this make me a less fun/entertaining person to be with?

It's times like this that makes me feel AC was something I had to go through for it opened my eyes to the big bad world. I see Sissy S a couple of months ago and I'm reminded of myself in freshman year having the time of my life and being REALLY happy. I see her now and I'm reminded of myself in AC. Wide-eyed enthusiasm gone, joy lost. Then China came and brought some back so I think I'm at quite a good place right now. I think I know what I want to be. I can see myself doing what I want to do. But the getting there, all the studying required is making it damn hard. Booo texts. Booo stress.

I'm never one for academics.