Drifting awayFriday, 30 November, 10.41am
I have this sudden desire to sail. Why can't I ever put in the determination and discipline or even competitiveness I put in the sport into my studies? Like the very first year, I told them seniors my aim was to be counted as part of the team's result and I worked hard to achieve that which I did in the end. How proud I was of myself then! Why can't I transfer all of that to academics?
So Roomie and I was chatting yesterday about grades and such. We started the semester with lofty goals of a CAP of 4.5. When we realised how unrealisable that was in between, we lowered it to a 4.0. Oh let's take a peek at our situation now - she has a whiff of perhaps getting that but hey, even 3.5 is a problem for me. Am not even close! What makes us feel even worse is that we are surrounded by friends who are sad when they get A minuses for their project. Like what the crap?! Is it because we have been getting our (sometimes) respectable grades without too much effort that is why we are struggling now? I hate that because this is generally the last lap of the education path, the population has been filtered and we are left with either the incredibly intelligent or the incredibly dilligent or better yet, both. God knows how I slipped past the filter system to end up here because I am both definitely neither.
*****
To be forgotten feels horrible enough, but to be unwanted is infinitely worse. Grandaunt has been in the hospital ever since she touched down at Changi Airport. Nope, not out yet. It has been about a month. Just visited her today and she can walk now though she's getting a bit senile. She remembers me though! That made me really happy inside. Since she has no place to call home, no children of her own, and none of us are able to provide the care that she needs, doctors are now looking for a home for her. I think this episode has showed me something - that blood is thicker than water. By that, I mean your immediate family is the most important. God-sons/daughters (delete whichever) mean nothing at all. People will always look out for their innest (if there is even such a word) circle first.
More and more, I feel like I don't belong with them any more. Oh it is just as well. Okay, to be honest, I do get bothered sometimes but I get on with life not even half an hour after. Serious. I have my sisters and a few others who I know I can rely on and that's enough.
