I go through life like a karate kid.Home is my haven. I know home is haven to many but home is really my haven.
I stayed home today. I stay home on many days. I'm past the stage of going out everyday and feeling lonely if I don't have a dinner date, a lunch date, a supper date, or even a study date. There was a time when I would feel like I didn't have a life just because I didn't have any activities after work. Then I filled my after-work hours with tuition and dinners and more dinners with different groups of people.
But that life, those nights out - I am tired, jaded. I'm glad that throughout the years, even at my going-out-equals-having-a-life stage, I have kept to a standard I had set which is to be home for weekend dinners unless there's an important occasion. Because after 22 years, I've realised how important my family is to me. It could be because as I grow older, I also become more aware that the people I love are going to leave one day and everyday that passes is one day less to spend with them.
Recent outings have brought home the fact that friends will just be but friends. I am guarded when I'm with them. These walls I built during AC days but which I continue to put up because I've seen that people judge, even your good friends. I know I can place my trust in my family. My parents will never hesitate to do things for me like pack food for me to bring to school every morning or offer to fetch me home at the ungodly hour of 4am etc., and all these when I wasn't even paying the most attention to them. I had thought that good friends will come close but have since come to realise that things I've thought to be a given are not to be expected even if they are the people I have dedicated so much more time and attention to. It is a fine line between family and friends but the line is pretty clear now.
Family is home and home is family. It's true what they say: Blood is thicker than water. You know, I started off with the idea of typing down my thoughts about the Britney Spears documentary I watched today and being inspired to do volunteer work after listening to 'Just Stand Up' umpteen times (it's on repeat mode and Mariah Carey's voice is amazing) but somehow it led to this. And typing this entry was not easy because it really hurts me now that it is finally put before me that I've been giving my parents so much less than what they deserve.
