The ability to engage in introspection, I put it to my students that day, is the essential precondition for living an intellectual life, and the essential precondition for introspection is solitude.This immediately rang a bell in my head. Uncle LM had told me this when I was in China. He said I should treasure my alone time in China and do some thinking 'cause it is impossible to do this in Singapore. I will find a time to do this within these 2 weeks because I need to start getting my life direction clear.
It hit me hard that I need to do this as soon as possible when I was greeted by announcements of resignation by three people who I knew were harbouring leaving thoughts upon my return to work after the Nepal trip. Three. Within the span of two weeks. They were all the people I knew who wanted to leave. And here I am. Still not leaving. Still not taking any action. Or rather I did, but it was very minimal. I am so uncertain of what I want to do, what I want my future to be like.
All I know is that I'm stuck in something I'm not cut out for. Today's profiling workshop reinforced that. (Almost) Everyone else had 'Structured' as one of their preferred thinking attributes except me. When I told the coach that I am in the wrong job, she did not deny.
I have a second interview scheduled on Monday. Let's hope that works out.
*****
Now the trip to Nepal..
This trip, as one would expect, is not like the other vacations we have gone for. The main objective of our previous times abroad was to let loose but this time, it was exactly the opposite. This trip was meant to test our limits and see how far we could go. There were definitely times when I thought, "Wth, we paid so damn much just to walk. In Singapore, we pay for a ride. The irony." But no regrets.
I am thankful for so many things after this outing:
1. Awesome sissys
There were no disputes at all and we covered for each other whether it was pre-trip prep, packing, money matters, or other stuff. Plus, I was hit by AMS after our first trekking day at 2000m. Yes, loserish I know. There was puking and diarrhea and I remembered how my sissys took care of me. I'd gone to bed early after a bout of puking so that I could wake earlier in the morning to pack. In the lightness of my sleep, I'd overheard Sissy S tell Sissy R to take more water out of my bottle so that I wouldn't need to carry so much weight during the trek the next day and Sissy R didn't protest. Oh how touched I was. When Sissy S got hurt and we had to do her dressing everyday, that's when I knew I had fabulous people for sisters.
2. Reliable and accessible medical facilities in Singapore
I never realised how much this mattered until Sissy S got hurt and we so badly wanted to see a doctor immediately but it was pretty much impossible. And even if there was one available, we doubted the reliability of the medical system there.
3. Having flat land and living in an environment where 'inaccessible' means you cannot get to your destination by public transport
In Nepal and many other countries, when they say that a place is inaccessible, it implies that there is no way to get there except on foot. And it's not even flat roads they are talking about. The paths are undulating where stairs aren't a rare sight. How we rejoiced when we had flat land to walk on or when we finally saw a teahouse because it meant that rest was here. Our trekking route was such that there was no turning back because we were not descending via our ascent route so we had to push on no matter what. The first day of trekking was the toughest. I think it was because we didn't have the correct expectations; We had gone with the knowledge that our route was the easiest trek in Nepal. That was when I had the most instances of my inner voice telling me "You can make it. The end is near. Don't fall behind." I didn't fare a lot better on the second day as I was still suffering from the effects of AMS but it definitely became progressively easier as the days went by.
4. Tropical weather all year round and clean air
Many Singaporeans wish Singapore has the four seasons. Me too before this. Now I am just thankful we have survivable temperatures all year round. You know, it was so cold up there that the people who set up shop near our guest lodges were willing to trade their goods for our clothes, long sleeved or not, used or not. We also resorted to warming up in a kerosene-smelling dining room because it was oh-so-cold outside. Sleeping in down sleeping bags isn't the most comfy as well though we were so beat at the end of every day it didn't quite matter to us. And do you know how fast the cold temperature saps batteries? I do wish that Singapore is a tad cooler but okay, the presence of clean air is sufficient. The air in Kathmandu is so bad it induces coughing. I think it is worse than Beijing's. Plus, their buses are not air-conditioned. Just imagine.
5. Drinkable water from the tap and readily available hot showers
I never knew how precious these two are until we were there. We had to get boiled water from the hotel or guest lodge every night and ration it when drinking and washing up the next day because tap water is brown in colour over there. Showers - we wish for hot baths here, we are grateful for hot showers there. See the difference? I remember on our first night in the mountains, we were lucky to have our own attached bathroom as the common one was downstairs and at the other end of the building (we didn't have the luxury of a private bathroom at the rest of the guest lodges we stayed during our trek). Sissy R was the first one to shower. She was like, "Yay, there's hot water!" Sissy S went the next and she was like, "The water is warm." Finally, I went in and I turn on the shower. After waiting for a good 2 minutes, I was like, "What warm water?!" As it turned out, the sun had set so there was no source of solar energy and all the heated water had been used. The water was so cold I only managed to wash my hair before stumbling out. From then on, we knew better than to take our own sweet time to finish our day's trek so that we can reach the next guest lodge earlier to get hot showers. Not that it mattered though because to be honest, we didn't shower a lot during our five days in the mountains because it was so so cold. I think I only showered once. The rest of the days, I did a wipe down with wet wipes.
6. A job that does not involve temperamental animals
We were descending when I think the big group of us frightened a buffalo who made a u-turn and almost trampled on the little boy who was leading him. We were shocked. Thank goodness the buffalo had the mind to figure out where to land its four legs.
7. Readily available meat, or rather pork
Meat was not commonly served in Nepal and even when it was, it was mostly chicken. Somehow, the chickens there grow till the size of turkeys so the meat was not all that tender. We tried the steak there and it was terrible. I'd thought I could live without meat but when I first tasted pork after our trek, it was ooh la la!
8. Wonderful relatives and friends
We borrowed tons of things for this trip to reduce the cost as it was already an exorbitant amount in our terms. Am very thankful for their generosity!
Our best buy from the trip? A pair of trekking poles. We were sooooo thankful we actually bought it before our trek because one of us would have suffered big time if we didn't have them.
It takes a trip like this to make me realise that we've got so much to be thankful for living in Singapore. Prior to this, it never did occur to me the things we take for granted here. It was funny that at the end of our 5-day trek, the first thing all of us got was a bottle of Coca Cola. Never did think Coke would have that effect on us!
Overall, it was definitely one very enriching experience and I will definitely go back again. With more training under my belt so that we can enjoy the trek much much more. Sissy S and I are thinking of perhaps Mt Kinabalu next year. But for now, I have been to Poon Hill which is 3210m above sea level!
Oh by the way, my personal goal of losing weight was not achieved.